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A long time away from here... - fading nebulous [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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A long time away from here... [Jul. 8th, 2009|12:16 am]
[Current Location |Columbia University]
[music |"Pretty Wings" by Maxwell]

Skydiving/by who’s driving?

It has taken an eternity for me to write something on here. Mostly because I have been avoiding talking the truth about the way I feel and because I’m so tired all the time. I moved to New York, and currently reside on Columbia University in the Morningside Park/Harlem area, interning with Essence. So far the interning experience is a bitch as far as learning to get my priorities straighten, re-learning to talk to my supervisors as superiors, not equals (even though they’re not all about roles), freelancing and having time to pitch stories. I really need to reevaluate my life at the moment. Right now, I feel desperate. Jordan’s not around and while I feel at ease that we are no longer together and no longer apart of one another’s lives, I feel the need to reach out to him. Not to feed him any romance bullshit—because he’s kind of a nut job and I’ve had my full—but to come to a common ground. I started to send him an e-mail, then I looked at his MySpace and still see that header he wrote about “Some Ugly Prick…,” and then looked at his FaceBook, and saw that he was once again naked, wrapped only in a towel. Tee commented with something like “Why do you do this to me!” I didn’t want to touch that. Tee and I haven’t talked since Jordan and I split. It’s for the best. Tee is not the friend I need him to be. It’s been months, no phone calls. I called him, and he never calls back. I read his recent post. He’s now diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Fun times. Should I care? Maybe. But, I don’t. I guess I just stopped caring. I don’t know when Tee and I will talk next, but I’ll wait until he makes the first move… which is likely to be never… that is, until we run into each other.

Back to the lonely-depressed bit. Basically, I think I’m to cute, personally/mentally/emotionally/physically, to be desperate. I even glimpsed at Craigslist after reading a horoscope, then laughed when some of the men in my area, some of whom are gorgeous in the flesh (and probably infected) were search for men and women to perform sexual acts on them because they were in dry spells. I decided that I’m too good for that and somebody somewhere will find me.
I recently got published in Bleu and Krave, may be interviewing a famous someone for a Nu-Soul (I’ll keep you posted), am translating a new article for Bleu, and I came out as Bisexual to the other interns for a project…I was totally ready for the pitch forks and torches to come out, but they just embraced me… all of them.

Quick recap: Last weekend, my fellow interns Courtney and Brittany went to see Up in 2D (yeah, you heard me right). Nick came up the week before last, and we went to Coney Island and traveled throughout the city, finishing with Pride. The week before that Alex from Virgina came and was very boring, and quiet and shamed me for getting drunk with Courtney (I made the mistake of getting 2 Texas Sized frozen Long Island Iced Teas). We haven’t talk much sense. That same weekend, Knickie left to move to Florida with her mom, so I traveled to Brooklyn and packed. We got stopped by a cop. She was fined $230, and my friend Huewayne camped over for a few days, the week before, before having to go back to Long Island.

Question of the day: I’m honestly tired of asking a relationship question. So, ask a question about me… and I’ll answer it.