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A long ass post! You don't want to read it, just skip to the question of the day! - fading nebulous [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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A long ass post! You don't want to read it, just skip to the question of the day! [Mar. 9th, 2009|12:40 pm]
[Current Location |my bedroom where the chaos starts]
[music |"Dead and Gone" by T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake]

My birthday on February 2nd. It was very fun. I want to take a moment to think the one’s that made it special—Huewayne, Nichole, Vanessa, Dan, Fausto, Latisha, Amber, Fannie, Kat, Wendy, Billie (Dustin’ ex), Chris (Billie’s best friend) and Dustin. Everyone else who wished me happy birthday (and there was a long list), I am more than grateful that they feel more than obligated to do so, because it means I am important in someone’s life.
On Saturday, January 31, I went out with Fannie, Dustin, Billie and Chris to Marcella’s, a gay club. After meeting Dustin’s new girlfriend, who he’s talked about for so long… it was nice to just chill. We danced a lot and I dirty danced with Chris, he left the dance floor with a boner the size of Texas. I wonder why. My birthday, that following Monday was later spent with Fannie and our friend Wendy at Wasabi, a sushi restaurant. I had fried green tea ice cream, tasted eel and other “strange” sea creatures. Later that night, Huewayne and Nichole came and took me to Blockbuster, we had ordered Step Brothers starring Will Ferrell. I must say that I never thought he was that funny until I saw that film. They didn’t get the jokes, but I thought it was hysterical! They served me hot chocolate with cherry sauce on top and cooked me a meal. Nichole and Huewayne bought a cake, and made a meal (Chicken Alfredo with broccoli). They fell asleep on the film, but I had a sore stomach from laughing half the time. Before we played the movie, and while they cooked, I spent time talking to Henry (who I am convinced wants to fuck me, always mentions my sex life!) and my friend Marcus from New York City (who has a thing for me, but is into polyandry). Marcus (I call him M4) is wiser than his years and asked me to wear short shorts to gay pride, since I am thinking of going with Nick to New York pride. Naturally gay pride is not my thing, but if my brother can go with his girlfriend—I mean, why not? Anyway, we left Nichole’s and just talked. If Huewayne was gay, bisexual, or questioning and if he wasn’t like my brother, I would totally make a pass at him. He’s an amazing guy, is determined, is very cerebral and yet lacks all the confidence in the world. He’s like some golden boy, but isn’t pig-headed. He’s not attractive to me, but it’s his swagger and his very kind-hearted nature that gets me. He let me borrow his camera for my photography class, is always willing to help me out and is there when I just need a guy to talk to. I fucking love him and talking to him that night— after all the cars were parked and Buffalo homes went to sleep—a light was shined, and I knew that we’d be friends for a long time.
Skip to Friday, and I’m pissed. I ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. I found out Silver Screen won’t have a budget next semester because our old treasurer, Matt didn’t take care of his business before he left office. I also auditioned for Theatre For Change after signing papers that said I was now a theatre major, and waited three hours to audition, and barely auditioned. Time well wasted. I went out and reported for Buffalo Rising (which Huewayne helped me get!) and then went to bed. Boring. I know. But it was Saturday that rocked! I went to meet Vanessa at a quarter to 2 p.m. and we went and had tea. We went to her place and I spoke to the agent of Jensen Atwood (Noah’s Arc; trying to get him to come to our school for a speech and book signing for Silver Screen/Pride), and then came out to see what Vanessa, Keisha and Alicia were doing. They asked me to write a song while they played instruments—they formed a band. I wrote a song called “Jawbreaker” and now I’m front man, I guess. Laurie comes over, picking Vanessa and I up. We go to Amvets and get some 80s clothes for my party. After an 80s dressing room montage, I settle on a pink shimmering button-up, acid-washed jeans, and grey suede shoes (which matched with the blazer I bought in NYC). I bought a blue “speed racer” short shirt, which was totally 80s and looked ridiculous on me, and changed it twice thought out the night. But there were some things that happened: I kissed Fausto due to Truth or Dare. Latisha fell asleep on me, and I think something would have happened, had I not have stayed there. We were all shit-drunk and the like, and Fausto came home completely wasted. Kat and Amber were fun to be with, and even though Dan and Vanessa said some things at the party that I didn’t particularly agree with (said in humor), it was fun. It was my birthday and bring “your own beer/alcohol” which I was kind of odd about, but it was about the friends and it was a great night.
A week later, I met this lady named Alva from California, an activist and aspiring journalist on the bus when I hung out with my friends Laudelina and Nichole, coming from the Walden Galleria Mall. She was cute and said some things that went over my head… which was attractive. She gave me her e-mail, and later her number. Maybe I should call her, and see if she’d like to hang out or something.
A week after Lee from Binghamton comes to visit Dustin, his best friend. He came to visit, and there was a rather nice ambience to the party as I met Mark’s new girlfriend Nichole and spending time once again with Vanessa-and-Dan the couple. Lee is a nice guy, cute in a Hollister kind of way, and has a macho-flamboyant gayness that some find really adorable. We are talking, and he’s dancing, but says he can’t. I don’t know what it is about me helping people, but it’s a trait that hasn’t given me much luck outside of haphazard situations and circumstances. So, I teach him how to move his retarded hips to music, and then he pulls me close and starts slow grinding on me. We’re both liquored up and before you know it, he just falls right in and starts making out with me. So, I was weird-ed out, but he wasn’t a bad kisser and the fact that he had the moxie to actually do that (kiss me first), it was exciting. The thing is, he was a week and a half fresh from a relationship and I was not going to be his rebound, so I told him that it wasn’t a good decision to go further than that. Just when I go to do that though, Vanessa sees it all. Talk about awkward! I told her I’m not a slut… I’m convinced she thinks I am.
Two weeks later, here I am! I got published with Bleu Magazine, Buffalo Rising, Krave Magazine and I was given the opportunity of a lifetime: to work with Time Inc. over the summer as an Editorial Intern for Essence Magazine! In addition to this, I’m just staying extremely busy with six classes (one including stage managing Grapes of Wrath on campus), running around to create a film festival, trying to bring actor Jensen Atwood to campus and freelancing with magazines. I am also looking to widen my range as an actor, and what better way than auditioning for Fall 2009 campus productions. I also want to do the festival of Dionysus to write a campus play, which is due at the end of April. I realized that I needed to take things more seriously. I have all these dreams inside and I feel like I am not doing thing with my potential, you know? So, I am getting more invested into my theatre department and finishing my journalism major.
I just need to get done with this play (which stops on the 21st!) and get over my new man crush! His name is Jason Belvin (look at post below)… he’s so attractive to me… makes me sick. And… taking some time away from being in my bedroom. Fausto is driving me nuts! I am seriously thinking about committing heinous acts against him Laudelina too! When they get together… I want to do thinks I’ve only seen in Japanese horror films!

Question of the day: “My dad didn’t even call me for my birthday and I have decided to stop talking to him altogether. I am changing a lot and with change comes leaving some friends so that they can grow up in the world. I’m not a whole person yet… who do I surround myself with when there are people who are in desperate need of self-evaluation and positive change constantly working against me?”

[User Picture]From: messie_nessie
2009-03-09 05:40 pm (UTC)
What did Dan and I say at the party that upset you? I dont rememebr saying anything wrong or offensive and Dan usually doesnt say anything mean to anyone. Sorry, but that kind of struck me.

And I dont think youre a total slut. Considering how I've seen you recently and we've talked alot about sex and stuff, I dont really see how you can think that I see you that way. I told you when you called me about the Lee thing that I didnt care and that it didnt say anything about you.

As for the question of the day, we talked about this on Saturday, so I'll leave it at that.

Oh and the Huewayne thing..adorable. That kid is something else, thats for sure. He's probibly one of the coolest people I've met in Buffalo. Easy.

I'll be calling you, so we'll probibly talk about some of these things anyways.
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